what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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