Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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