hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
