the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
