My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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