my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize