Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
