Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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