Say something about gay babies.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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