I just saw a hot homeless man
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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