I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
