I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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