Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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