just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
