I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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