I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
