Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm getting married
To pizza
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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