Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize