I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
