I just saw a hot homeless man
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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