I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
