I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I have already put on my inside pants.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
