turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
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Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
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Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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