I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
