Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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