Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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