im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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