A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
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i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
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sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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