**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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