Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
