Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
