he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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