He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
