dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
