Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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