just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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