You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
