It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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