Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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