he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
