In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wanna passion pit in your ass
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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