ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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