I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
