Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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