i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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