But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
