If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
