You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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