and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
