I could make wine with my vomit
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
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