My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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