I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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