I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Oh god it's open bar.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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