My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
