you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
