My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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