I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
