Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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