Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize