Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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