Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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